Death jokes
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!