Death jokes

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

A man found out that he was going to die.

A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"

Then he died and learned how to say no in German....

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown suit.

If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.

Why am I happy? I'm dead.

Do you have dark humor?

Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f

* * *

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

Want to know what Juice WRLD would do if he were alive today?

Frantically scratch on the inside of his coffin.

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

Where did the orphans go when the orphanage blew up?

Everywhere.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."