Death jokes
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
The Earth was flat until yo mama buried herself.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.
Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?
Because he's dead.