If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.
I killed a Homeless dude now he's at funeral HOME 😭💔
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"
Kid.says to genie I want to be like batman Kid goes home both of them are dead
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
