What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?
They both are hung.
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
What is cold and alone?
An orphan's parent.
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
What does Batman have that Superman doesn't?
The ability to visit his biological parents' grave.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
