What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
