Why can't Michael Jackson come within 500 meters of a school. Because he's dead. 😁
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
What do you call a burning orphan in a wheelchair? Hot Wheels.
What hit the ground first, the orphan or the apple? The apple. The orphan never hit the ground.
Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
Why did Techno die?
They broke his bed.
If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.
Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.
That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
