How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
John F. Kennedy may rest in pieces.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
A leaf and an emo fell off a cliff, who landed first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
