Death jokes

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

Long live the quee—Oh wait...

I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.

What did I say to the bridge?

Bye, bridge.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.

The earth used to be flat until your mama was buried.

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.