I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?
The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"
Kid says to genie,
"I want to be like Batman!"
Kid goes home, both of them are dead.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
