Death jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
My life.
Kill me, please.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
you.
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.