Death jokes
You know Sally? She's dead now.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
My life.
Kill me, please.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
you.
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.