Death jokes
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
A killer gone up to 5 people and killed 4 of them. There were 2 couples and 1 third wheel. The 5th one was left single out...
I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."
Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
How do you know your baby is dead?
It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?