Death jokes
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a PC?
When my PC crashes, I actually give a fuck.
Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
I'll turn ya nan into bonemeal.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
My favorite sex position is the JFK:
I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Wanna hear some famous last words?
"We are just experiencing some turbulence."
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Stephen Hawking is not dead; he just needs to charge.
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...