Death jokes
Rust in peace.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Not done yet.
Now they are.
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
My dad died lol.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.