Death jokes
How do you know your baby is dead?
It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.