Death jokes
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Did you hear about the gay Indian who died?
He was a brave sucker.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
Why do orphans not have parents?
Answer: Their parents are yeet dead dead.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
How do you make an orphan shut up?
You tell his mom.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims. They went through 200 stories.
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why Iām digging in our garden.
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."