Death jokes
Why do orphans not have parents?
Answer: Their parents are yeet dead dead.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
How do you make an orphan shut up?
You tell his mom.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims. They went through 200 stories.
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.