Death jokes
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔
I love my grandpa, he killed Hitler.
What’s the last balloon George Floyd blew up? His heroin balloon.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.
I can’t wait for collage....
5 min later, ight I’m gonna go kill myself.
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.
Why did Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"