Death jokes

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.

Me: What? Am I dying?

Doctor: No, your wife is.

An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.

The death toll went sky high.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?

They don't have parents to protect them.

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!