Death jokes

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”

Man: “Am I dying?”

Doctor: “No, your wife is.”

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

What will make a depressed teenager happy?

A cliff.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.

Me: What? Am I dying?

Doctor: No, your wife is.

An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.

The death toll went sky high.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.