Day jokes

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

Why are gay dudes so rude?

Because they're fucking assholes.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off!

I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."

Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

What do you call field day in Africa?

The Hunger Games.

What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?

One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.

Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.

One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.

"What?" Angelica replied.

"I'm a guy."

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;