Day

Day jokes

Trampoline

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

Name

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

Cigarette

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

Present

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

Memes

Cow

Me when I know its my last day of being a cow and I already hate my life

A close-up photo of a brown and white cow with a wide smile, standing in a grassy field against a clear blue sky.

Side

He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Quitter

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Dude

Why are gay dudes so rude?

Because they're fucking assholes.

People

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

Stereotype

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

Friend

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

Dance

Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.

Chandelier

What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?

One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.

Lamp

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

Food

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

Butthole

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!