Day jokes
I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥
What did John say to little Timmy? Happy Disable day!
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."
Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.
Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
Where can white people cook better than Black people?
On Father’s Day.
He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.