Day jokes
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
Where can white people cook better than Black people?
On Father’s Day.
Better Friday the 13th than any Monday.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.
What do you call field day in Africa?
The Hunger Games.
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
Better Friday the 13th than Monday the 13th.
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!