Day jokes

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.

There was a crying pandemic going around.

One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.

One day, there was an ugly barnacle. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end!

Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.

Sadly, he didn't see it coming.

I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.

Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.

Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.

Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.

Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?

Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?

Everywhere.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!

Little Johnny was finishing up his homework when the teacher gave him an assignment for the day. The instructions were simple: compare two objects; we will work on contrast next week.

Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3-day milestone of sobriety!

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

So guys, I have a friend who is named Sarah, and I was riding bikes with her the other day, and she told me she is gay. I totally support her. I love that she is open about it and not scared to tell people about it. I hope you guys can support her too! I love you all! :)))

Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.

Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?

Pride always cometh before the fall.

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.

"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $30."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.