Day jokes

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

Falco: Wat...

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?

"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a day off.

Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.

He really shook things up today.

How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.

Kids changing the channel to Annie.

Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.

TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.

Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!

What day is Labor Day?

It's the day mommies have their babies.

On a winter day many play.

Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.