Day jokes

How was your day, Freshfry?

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.

But don't worry, he is all right now.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.

Oh my Prince, I've loved you ever since the day we met.

When I was caught in your net of love, sweet love... It's all above...

If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?

Worms and rotten fruit.

Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

Soldier says, “Mhm.”

Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

Soldier says, “Really?”

The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.

It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.

A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.

Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

Falco: Wat...

Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a day off.

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!