Day jokes

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.

When did Jesus die?

On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!

How was your day, Freshfry?

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.

Kids changing the channel to Annie.

Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.

TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.

Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.