Dating jokes

Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.

What was the computer's best pickup line?

Nice bits!

I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.

What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?

There are twenty of them.

They told me I'd never be good at poetry.

But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."

My love life.

Boy: Hey! I love you...

Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.

*boy sent a pic of his dic*

Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.

What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

"I work with animals," the man said to his date.

His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

"I am a butcher," said the man.

Chat date for Tenya and Jordan.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"