Dating jokes
Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
Some girls are like rocks.
You skip the flat ones.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
Dear Gwen and Prince,
Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.
I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.
Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?
Angela: His name is Kevin.
Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?
Angela: I don't know.
Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
Girls are like stones.
The flat ones get skipped.
I love to have sex. And my name is Lex. Which one should I be with next? I really hate my ex. I just saw a huge T Rex, And I think you probably saw this text.
Welcome for the rhyme.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.