Dating jokes
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.
A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.
First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.
It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."
He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.
She walks away and says ok.
The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.
Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Hey, this is to orphans:
"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.
But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.