Dating jokes

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?

I want your booty!

As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.

I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."

What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?

A girl actually dates the paper.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.

Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

Person 2: OMg!

Why can’t orphans date?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.

Why don't emo girls date emo boys? Cause they've already got a pussy.

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

Some girls are like rocks.

You skip the flat ones.

How do fuck a really fat chick?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.