Dating jokes
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
Hey, this is to orphans:
"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"
Who wants to be my boyfriend?
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.
"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."
The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.
I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.
Why? Why would you do that?
Why can’t orphans date?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
Person 2: OMg!
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.