Dating jokes

What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?

A girl actually dates the paper.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.

Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

Person 2: OMg!

Why can’t orphans date?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.

Why don't emo girls date emo boys? Cause they've already got a pussy.

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

Some girls are like rocks.

You skip the flat ones.

How do fuck a really fat chick?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.

Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.