Dating Jokes

Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.

Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

bro they got a better love story than me

The image shows a two-panel meme. The first panel shows two squirrels sitting at a small table and eating spaghetti. The second panel shows one of the squirrels lying on its back with the other squirrel on top of it, implying they are engaging in sexual activity. The text on the image says: "Damn, their little date went good."

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

Some girls are like rocks.

You skip the flat ones.

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

How do fuck a really fat chick?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

Dear Gwen and Prince,

Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?

Because she is a home-y.

Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.