Dating jokes

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven

Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere

Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?

I want your booty!

As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.

I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."

Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.

What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?

A girl actually dates the paper.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

Why can’t orphans date?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

Person 2: OMg!

Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)

Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.

Why don't emo girls date emo boys? Cause they've already got a pussy.