Date jokes

A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."

7-Eleven

8-Eleven

9/11

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?

9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.

Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.

August 3rd is the moon of earth, earth, moon, earth, universe.

How do you call a very long terrorist?

9/11.

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

Me: And this is the room I cry in.

Date: You've said that about every room.

Me: Correct!

The towers collapsed on 9/10, not 9/11.

I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.

It showed a picture of myself.

Why was 10 scared?

Because he was in the middle of 9/11.

What is Armin Meiwes' ideal date? Dinner.

Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer only date black men?

Nutella!