Date jokes
Hey, this is to orphans:
"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"
Why are there no women in the NFL?
Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
i wanna be a firefighter when i grow up
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
Where does a cow take his date?
Answer: To the moooooovies!
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What is the difference between you and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
Why can’t orphans date?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
Person 2: OMg!
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
Why was the number 10 scared? Because bro was stuck between 9/11.
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.