Date jokes

A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.

Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.