Date jokes
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
Person 2: OMg!
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."