Date jokes
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
Why is sex with pandas so much fun?
I don't know, it just is. 🐼
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My penis.
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.