Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
