Date jokes
In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.
Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
Why was 10 scared?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.
What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀
August 3rd is the moon of earth, earth, moon, earth, universe.
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.
How did the Iron and Gold start dating?
They met on TINder.