Date jokes
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
Why are there no women in the NFL?
Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
Why is sex with pandas so much fun?
I don't know, it just is. 🐼
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My penis.
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.