Dark Humor

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a unregistered six offender.

Alright, what do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

6, 7, and 8 are all scared of 10, but 10 is also scared. Why was 10 scared?

Because it was stuck between 9 and 11.

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”

Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?

A: To shoot up the whole school.

Friend: Slavery isn't good.

Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.

Me: Shut up and get me a juice!

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

A dad is in a wheelchair and his daughter goes, "Don't step on a crack!"

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.

MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree.

Too bad he left him hanging.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."