Dark Humor
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."
And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.