I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them-hope marie lawson
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital Reload and keep shooting
What's the difference between necrofilia and choking fetish? 15 seconds
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick
2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.
3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.
5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My poem , roses are red violets are blue I will die very soon🔪
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What does a Mag and a Clip have incommon...... They are both good at School
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends Chad just murdered his wife Claire and after doing that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after My moms reply: Jesus Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess won’t he
I like my wine like how I like my women, 10 years old and locked in a basement.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was and I said it jumps borders then he asked how dark my humor is and I said it picks cotton.
What’s the best thing about Alzheimer’s? You can hide your own Easter Egg’s!!
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night she’s back in bed
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop an 12
