Dark Humor
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bay.
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
What do u call a lesbian dinosaur?
I like alottopuss.
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
Most of these jokes are plane, but they still hit.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
The F in orphan stands for family.
What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?
Orange because they're having a they/them baby.
Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?
A KinderGarden.
What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?
Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.
Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.
Scroll down for explanation.
Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.