Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad oh my god
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them-hope marie lawson
where did lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick and I accidentally gave her the glue stick. She won't talk to me any more.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bay
how do you suprise a blind man by putting a plunger in the toilet
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
What did the kid say to the emo? Don't leave me hanging
I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none they both go up in flames.
I had to write an essay about africa and I failed cause I plagiarized the hunger games script
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital Reload and keep shooting
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
I wrote an essay today about africa and I FAILED even though i wrote a perfect rendition of the hunger games storyline
