Dark Humor

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

Dark humor is like water.

Not everybody gets it.

What did the kid say to the emo?

"Don't leave me hanging!"

I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.

What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?

I don’t like the taste of broccoli.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

What do u call a lesbian dinosaur?

I like alottopuss.

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

What was the first thing Thanos snapped?

Loki’s neck.

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.