Dad jokes

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"

Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?

He should just go to his mom and dad!

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

I think one of my dads might be gay.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Dad: I'm dying.

Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].

Dad: Really, now is not the time.

Son: I'm sorry.

Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)

Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?

A: Her dad pushed her.

Why do orphans go to church?

To call someone "dad."

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.

My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?

Me & my dad!