Dad jokes

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

I would make a dad joke, but I don't have a dad to joke about.

"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.

Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."

Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,

I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.

Little Johnny was alone because Dad didn’t come back.

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”

Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”

Your mom and your dad.

Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."