Dad jokes
POV: Your dad is gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad. LMAO.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.
Me, my brother, and my dad.
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
My dad is like a unicorn.
He's never here. :c
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
Orphan: Hey, where's the milk?
Dad: . . .
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
My dad is now a milkman.
Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.
The police: Pull over!
The kid: Do you know who my dad is?
The police: What, your mom did not tell you?
Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.
I think one of my dads might be gay.
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕