Dad jokes

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

Your dad has a huge PP.

Why can't two Chinese make a white baby?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?

I want them both in my mouth!

Why did Dad Man quit acting?

I don’t know either.

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.

I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.

My dad was one hell of a pilot.

Grandpa was a hell of a planner.

How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.

What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?

Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.

I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.

Why do dads take time to get?

Milk?

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Your dad must be a mailman.

What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.

Dad: Johnny, Johnny?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Getting women?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Telling lies?

Johnny: No, Papa.

Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!

I'm sorry, but your dad left for milk.