Dad jokes

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?

Dad: Because she was made there.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.

Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.

Mom: Meet my boyfriend.

Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?

Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.

You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.

What is black and white and sits in a tree?

A fridge wearing a leather jacket! XD

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.

Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

Mom, why was I adopted?

Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

My dad coming back.

I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?

"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

Your dad must be a mailman.

My disabled dad went to the grocery store.

He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.

Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.