Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
I have a dad.
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?
She kept making dad jokes.
There once were 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said, "This is disgusting!" and threw it out the window. The 2nd man bit into a banana and said, "This is rotten!" and he threw it out the window. The 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed, "ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT!" and he threw it out the window.
Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying. He replied, "An apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The police officer said, "That is weird," and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked, "Why are you crying?" and he answered, "A banana came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The officer said, "This has been a strange day." Then he sees a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said, while he was laughing, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"
So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.
