Dad jokes

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.

What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.

Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.

Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"

Orphan: -no response-

My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.

Roses are red.

My soul is black.

I am never getting my dad back.

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

I have a dad.

Why did I f*** my dad?

So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?

Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."