Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
lol I keep stealing my dad's medication money and the best part is he never remembers.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
My dad coming back.
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
I was born on the moon. Yeah.. My mom was high and dad was down to earth.
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
Your dad must be a mailman.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
If you read this you fucked your dad and your 4 year old sister you sick fuck... Atleast wait till they are 15
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
dad: My kid just said butch but since he is a kid he said a bad word on accident *the next day* uncle: F*CK
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
Ur dad is mad
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
