Crime jokes
What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Why did the gorilla leave the mafia headquarters for good?
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Memes
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What is a pedophile's favorite planet?
Uranus.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
Here is a joke: Rape.
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."