Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
How to commit arson 1. Burn down an orphanage
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard...
If you hate pedophiles, grow up.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.” “Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!” “No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes
Why did the skeleton go to jail? Because he was bad to the bone!
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a pdf file!!
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Its fine, he woke up
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
When you steal the weird pet rock so he pulls out his pet glock
