Crime jokes
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?