Crime jokes
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.
The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
What is a pedophile's favorite piano note?
A Minor.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Why did the gorilla leave the mafia headquarters for good?
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.