Crime jokes
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large!
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.
The doctor gave me 6 months to live.
So I shot him.
Judge gave me 20 years.
Problem solved.
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.