What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can feel wanted.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
