Crime jokes

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.

A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?

Free delivery.

A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.

"This place looks scary," the kid said.

And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.

I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.

Why do orphans play GTA?

So they can feel wanted.

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?

Alien vs Predator.

Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.