Crime jokes
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.
The only thing shittier than rapeboats rhymes are his jokes.
Why did an orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
What is an orphan's role model?
Batman.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
Why did the rapper go to school?
To improve his rap sheet!
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
What's the difference between George Floyd and Joe Biden?
They both talk like they're on fent.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?
They fly a plane at them.
What do you call an IT teacher that touches his students?
A PDF file.
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.
But the punch line is too long.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"