Crime jokes
What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?
"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?
They're both gay and use knives.
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
How do you get away with rape?
Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?
R. Kelly.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
Q: What do Epstein and Dahmer have in common?
A: They both like to eat kids in and out.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
What do you call a terrorist that can fly?
A dart.