Crime jokes
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
What does 9 and 36 add up to?
A life in prison.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Why did the ducky get arrested?
He got caught selling quack.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.
What is Epstein's favorite piano chord?
A minor.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 murdered 37 children and 41 adults during the ages of 31-35 years old.
She was then sentenced to a 35 year sentence (Colombian stuff) and came out 70 years old. She then continued to go on a spree and murder 41 more people, in 2 months. 3 years later, 6 stabbed 7 as they were friends. 6 was not sentenced, but deemed a hero. He never forgets that moment. Her soul not floating above, but screaming from the torture it's receiving.
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.