Crime jokes
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Why did the baseball player go to jail?
Because he stole first base.
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?
Dead.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A kinder surprise.
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.
It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
Why do orphans play GTA?
To make them feel wanted.