Crime jokes

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.

Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.

Stop hating on pedos; at least they drive slow in a school zone, smh 🤣

Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.

Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?

A. By using her equal strength.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

Woman: "I want coffee, black."

Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.

It's not rape if she doesn't say no.

Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”