Crime jokes
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
Who's Joe?
Joe rapes.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:
Here comes the airplane.
I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.