Crime jokes
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
What do you call a nut in jail?
A busted nut.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
What do Lindsay Clancy and Jane Doe have in common?
Neither could walk after what they did.
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
Why is a white prison inmate scarier than a black inmate?
The white guy did it!
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Look on the bright side, women: nothing says you're beautiful like being raped by a complete stranger.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."