Crime jokes

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.

Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.

Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.

Stop hating on pedos; at least they drive slow in a school zone, smh 🤣

What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?

White vans.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Woman: "I want coffee, black."

Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"

Violence against women is funny :)

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.