Crime jokes

What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

Please don't get mad, it's a joke.

What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.

I AGREE WITH EDP.

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted :)

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

There is a dark alley. Who do you call?

Batman.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.

How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.

Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they like to feel wanted!

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.