Crime jokes
Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.
I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
I have a body count of 7.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?
"We are on time!"
I looked so deep in the dark web, I started to see Tyrone.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
Why did the Mafia cross the road?
Forget about it...
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.