A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?
One of them knows the definition of no.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe?
White Vans.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
