Crime

Crime jokes

Cat

Q: Why did the cat get arrested?

A: He was caught littering.

Orphan

Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.

Grass

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

Bee

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

Child Molester

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

Memes

Bandit

Dont get mad when i post it on Average_Ohion cuz this is my alt im Average_Ohion

The image shows two panels. The first panel is a nighttime image of police vehicles with their lights flashing. The second panel shows a close-up of a man with wide eyes and a shocked expression. Text overlay reads, "Roses are red. Lord give me peace. The Ohio Butthole Tickling Bandit has escaped custody and is being hunted by police." It is signed 'By: Seymore Butts Posted Feb 23, 2023'

Priest

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

Prison

Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.

Hitman

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

Government

Why is prostitution illegal?

Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.

Government

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

Santa Claus

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Priest

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

Van

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

Priest

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

Pedophile

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.