Crime jokes

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

What's a rapist's fav position?

Missionary in a dark corner.

What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?

"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?

Netflix and pill.