Crime jokes
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Memes
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite snack? 5 year old whiners.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.