Crime jokes
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
What do you call an ant who fights crime?
A vigilANTe!
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.
Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.