Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
