Crime jokes
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."