Crime jokes

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?

White Vans.

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?

"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

What do you call a religious drug addict?

A crystal methodist.

What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?

Netflix and pill.

What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?

Consensual Rapper 7.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

What is a pedophile's favorite age range?

9-11.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.