Crime jokes

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

What is a pedophile's favorite age range?

9-11.

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite snack? 5 year old whiners.

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.