Crime jokes
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.