Crime jokes
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
Greg is a pedo.
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
One of the students reported a school shooting. That fucking snitch...
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because at least they can be wanted!
What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?
"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!