Crime jokes
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
Who are the best at bowling?
Terrorists, they always throw strikes.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
Why do orphans play GTA so much?
Because they can be wanted for once.
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.