Crime jokes
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
Why did the rapist not get sentenced?
Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
I like my girls like I like my wine.
12 years old and locked in my basement.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.
Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.
Kidnapper: ...
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!