Crime jokes

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?

Sells the wheelchair.

Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?

Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.

What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?

They both get a lot of crack.

Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Man: *steals drink*

Boy: bro😭😭

Man: Why are u crying over a drink?

Boy: That had drugs.

Man: ....

So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."

If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?

A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”

What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?

Helen Killer.

On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.