Crime jokes
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?
Alien vs. Predator.
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Killing the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.