Crime jokes
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.
Why did the gorilla leave the mafia headquarters for good?
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....