Crime jokes
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Raping white women should be encouraged everywhere!
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
Me: "What are you doing??"
Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"
Me: "I don't know."
Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"
Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"
Don't bully kids.
People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.
What was George's last message to humanity before joining the others?
"I CAN'T BREATHE!"
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia? Sexy kids.
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.