Crime jokes
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?
R. Kelly.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.
Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.
Student one orphan: I don't have any.
Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?
Student one orphan: What!
Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.
My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
How do you make a baby cry? You run over it with a lawn mower.
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.