Crime

Crime jokes

Cop

    • Me: 911, I just killed someone.

    Cops: Cool, we will not come.

    Me: Why?

    Cops: Don't admit a crime.

    Phones: *Bang Bang*

    Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.

    Crime memes

    Rapist

    • What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

    At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

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    • Murder

    • Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...

    AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."

    So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

    ok like for part two☺☺☺

    Car

    • I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

    I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

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    • Assault

    • Today was a bittersweet day...

    Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

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    • Sandyhook

    • My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

    Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

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    • Child

    • "Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

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    • Pedophile

    • A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

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