Crime jokes
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have a touchy feeling for kids.
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
Rape is no laughing matter. The reason why women are not believed in rape is because of you mother fucking shitbirds with no future who will become drunkards and drug dealers who go broke and live on the street getting hit by a fucking car. Fuck all of you sadists who think this kind of shit is funny, well shut the fuck up. Go jump off a bridge or get hit by car and I hope you fucking sickos die.
Stop rape. Stop rappe. Stop rapibg innocent children and women and men. I am done with rape. I am done with it!
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?
Fitting in.