Crime jokes
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
I love me a nice tight pussy. That's why I'm in big trouble with RSPCA.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.