Crime jokes
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
Why do orphans love GTA?
Because they are actually wanted!
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.