Crime jokes
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
Why did the terrorist not go undercover?
Because he blew it!
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What do kidnappers play?
Roblox.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender.
There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.
Damn, the terrorists from CS:GO really do be learning to fly.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they like to feel wanted!