Crime jokes
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What kind of shoes does a kidnapper wear?
White vans.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
Welp
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
EatDatPussy445, aka Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason, aka Bryant Turman Emerson Moreland, is a pedophile, and he is in Las Vegas right now. Go, go, go, catch him!
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
Why did the teacher get arrested?
He gave the orphan homework!