Crime jokes
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Q: Why can orphans never be criminals?
A: Because they're never wanted.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
Your website.
Dear Orphans,
I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
Who wants to see me rape a toddler?
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.