Crime jokes
Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"
Because she was uneducated.
What shoes does a pedophile wear?
White vans.
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.
The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!