Crime jokes
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite snack? 5 year old whiners.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
repost og meme
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.
What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One was famous for walking on the moon, (pause), the other fucked young boys.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.