Crime jokes
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.