Crime jokes
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
Why do rappers make terrible pirates?
Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!
Why was six afraid of seven?
Seven was a registered six offender.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
A man is pulled over by a police officer.
The policeman approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem, Officer?"
The officer says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license, please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."
The officer is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The officer says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?!"
"She's in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his own car and calls for backup. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle, please?"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please?"
The man opens the trunk, but there is nothing there.
The officer says, "Is this your car, sir?"
The man says, "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned.
"One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs through his pockets, pulls out a wallet, and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
"Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.