Crime jokes
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
There is one rapist among us.
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite place to eat?
A: Schools because there is a wide variety of choices.