I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents. Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honour. Judge: But why? Accused: Because I’m an orphan. 🥱🫤
mother got shot, damn father got shot, damn sister got shot, damn brother got shot, damn auntie running away with a shot gun
How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?
Marry her
A Man: I must confess father Priest: what are you her to confess A Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son Priest: and what happened to your son A Man: He said a man raped him Priest: when and where did this happened A Man: a local church, idk which one Priest...by whom? A Man: A priest he said, he said the priest had black hair and blue eyes. kind of like you Priest: ...shit
As tragic as school shootings are - it's also a quick way to a late term abortion
Once a naked women robs a bank but sadly no one can remember her face...
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named brandon
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
When is a rape victim right?
When she admits she lied
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you? “Cmon, did ya really think I’d resist a-rest?”
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery
Howard abortion and rape different? At least the rape victim usually deserves it and isn't defenseless.
When a woman decides to abort it is called a decision but when I run my truck into a playground of kids it is called murder
what do 9/10 people enjoy? Gang rape
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law? "That's against th-allah (read like da-lah)."
What’s pink rusty and covered in cobwebs
Madeline McCann bike
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted I decided to go home
