Crime jokes
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
Dont get mad when i post it on Average_Ohion cuz this is my alt im Average_Ohion
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
There is one rapist among us.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite place to eat?
A: Schools because there is a wide variety of choices.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.