Crime jokes

An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

What's with all the orphan jokes? Kinda sus. #fbi

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.

What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?

Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)

I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!

Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,

Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.

I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.

Why do orphans rob the bank?

Because they want to be wanted.

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Jared from Subway touches the youth.

Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.

What is one good thing about child molesters?

They drive slow past schools.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.