Crime jokes
What is Batman's favorite food?
Justice.
Robyn Olive in 10.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Memes
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?
Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.
I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
Trump's releasing the files.
To catch all the pedophiles.
He didn't know Epstein.
Didn't touch any teens.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?