Crime jokes
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."
Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
You look like Megamind, drug dealer.
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
Why did the orphan go to rob the bank? Because he wanted to be wanted! >:D
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
I saw some terrorists on Family Feud. It looked like they had three strikes!
Why did the terrorist not go undercover?
Because he blew it!
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.