Crime jokes
Biden: My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "That's a pretty big word for a 9-year-old!"
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
I'm an orphan, so kidnap me.
What did Jarrah say to Hanjour?
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One was famous for walking on the moon, (pause), the other fucked young boys.
"Fortnite balls, I'm gay. I like boys. I kidnap autistic kids. Lil Mosey is white."
Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
I'm a rapist.
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?
"We are on time!"
What is Batman like?
He is an orphan.
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.