Crime jokes

Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.

Why are orphans never in jail?

Because they're never wanted.

Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?

A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.

-- Jeffery Dahmer

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

After the school shooting, Joe pretended to be a victim while his sister ate the flesh of the fallen.

What is a pedophile's favorite piano note?

A Minor.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.

Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?

To make room in the freezer for his special meat.

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.